My Birthday, Illness, and Grief

The universe sure does work in mysterious ways. I committed to writing every week, to keep in touch with all of you, and stay in a place of thoughtfulness and thankfulness. I wrote each week for three weeks and then mother nature, the universe, or god - whatever you like to call her - had different plans for me.

Let me rewind... I have this great group of friends on the lake. We call ourselves the YaYas of the Lake because we are a bunch of old ladies who love to stay young through friendship and fun with each other and we have built deep, strong connections. We celebrate each other's birthdays throughout the year and this month, it was my turn for a birthday celebration. One of the ladies mentioned that our local Liberty Theatre was hosting a Christmas Opry, which sounded like a lot of fun! I asked the YaYas if they would like to do lunch and then go to the matinee showing of the Opry. They all agreed that it would be the perfect outing for my birthday.

We met up to carpool to the city for lunch and show at our little library – like we always did to save us from arriving in many separate vehicles. We had lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants in North Bend which was just a couple blocks from the theater. Lunch was amazing – I had pollo mole (my fav) and many of the ladies had margaritas (including me). The ladies brought so many wonderful gifts... games, candles, books, gloves, a new beanie, plants, planters, art, and so much more! I felt like a kid at Christmas.

After lunch, we drove down to the theater to park closer as we weren't sure if it would be raining when we got out of the show. The show was fabulous! Lots of bluegrass and country music with some rock n roll thrown in for good measure. Plenty of Christmas songs and dancing and even some joke breaks. We had a great time. After the show, one of the ladies (Susan) had planned to come back to my place for a little slumber party – we didn't want to risk having her go home in the dark since she lives boat-access only on the lake.

The two of us drove out to my place where my sweetie person had made sure to turn on all of the twinkle lights all over inside and outdoors. It was like coming home to a magical fairyland! I had prepared chicken tortilla soup the previous day for us to eat that evening and we ate and chatted and had the best time – we stayed up talking until 2am! The next morning, we played records and had breakfast, and leisurely hung out until Susan's husband arrived by boat to pick her up. The weather held out on that Sunday and gave them a lovely boat ride home. Everything worked out perfectly.

Then, three days after the birthday outing and theater show, I became sick. First, I just had a bit of cough and congestion but was still able to work a few hours each day. Then it took a turn for the worst. My head was so cloudy, I could barely focus my eyes on anything. I spent the next two weeks in bed. I don't know about you, but I rarely get sick so when I do, I am a HUGE baby about it. And being sick for over two weeks definitely makes me go through the grieving process. I went from denial about even being sick those first few days when I was still trying to work straight into anger a few days after that. I was angry that I couldn't just get my life back and my inability to do even the most simple tasks without being exhausted. Then I began to bargain with the universe... "please, if you make me better, I'll be a whole new person!" I'm not sure what person that would be, but I begged for it. When I still woke up sick day after day, I began to feel depressed. Nothing could cheer me up and I couldn't even physically smile. Then, just a day or two before I began to recover (I'm still mildly ill as I write this but obviously feeling good enough to write - yay), I reached acceptance. I accepted that this was my new normal and I was just going to be sick forever, or for however long it took.

I'm 99% sure I caught the bug from someone in the theater since only one other lady in our group caught the bug as well. We were all indoors and there were over a hundred people there. And it's flu season! I have vowed to never go to a holiday show indoors again. Although I will forever have fond memories of that fun day with the ladies, so maybe it was worth it? I do feel very lucky to have had a roof over my head and my hubby to take care of me most of the time (he also got sick but didn't get it as badly as I had it).

Either way, I'm happy to be getting back to my old self. I love to be active and to work and while the activity hasn't kicked back in fully (and likely won't until Springtime), I am able to work and I love that. And I'm no longer exhausted when I make myself lunch or take a shower. My body is doing as it should and that makes me feel very lucky to be recovering.

Do you go through the grief process when you are sick for a very long time? I'd love to hear how you deal with it or if you have tips for making it through the times that you are sick.